The Ryley Chronicles: Keeping the Rooster Away?

Every day it's something new. When Ryley was just a baby and I was feeling fairly confident in my parenting abilities, Rick (my boss at the time) gave me a little parenting insight: "Just when you think you've got it down, your child will move on to the next stage and present an entirely new set of challenges for you to overcome." Rick passed away last fall, but his words come back to me every time I realize Ryley has reached a new phase in her development as a person. They probably always will. :-)

We were watching Ryley's friend on Thursday evening, and the two of them were playing "house." Except... the two of them have very different views on family structure. Ryley wanted to be married with a baby, while her friend wanted to be a 16-year-old who still goes to high school and has a baby. To put it lightly, Ryley was horrified.

"That's not how it works," she told her friend. "There have to be parents. You can't be in high school and have a baby."

Her friend didn't argue; she just stomped off. That's when I overheard and realized what was going on. So how do I reaffirm Ryley's friend that her own three-generation single-parent family (grandma, mom, aunt, cousins -- but no adult men) is ok, yet still protect Ryley's six-year-old innocence? This is the question Ryan and I discussed late into the night. At the time, I came up with the quickest solution possible -- to distract the girls from the issue by telling them it was time to play something else.

Later, after the friend had gone home, I braced myself and asked Ryley more about their disagreement. Ryley wasn't phased. She said it was no big deal and that she wasn't concerned about it because she knew she was right and her friend was wrong. I decided not to probe any further and just leave it at that. :-)

But it's going to come up again. Next week? Two years from now?

I feel like the longer she stays in the dark on this subject, the more solid her morals will be in the longrun.

Once Ryley's innocence is lost, there's no getting it back. And that makes me want to cry.

Her innocence is something I want to fight for and protect, with everything I have.

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While I was in Florida this week, Ryley expressed to Ryan her interest in becoming a farmer. She was talking about all the dairy cows she would have, and Ryan suggested that she could also have chickens and sell the eggs.

"No!" she responded. "Because how would I know that I wasn't selling eggs with baby chicks in them??"

"Easy," Ryan said. "Just keep the rooster away."

Immediately, he wished his words back. Ryley doesn't leave questions unanswered. She wanted to know what that meant. And once again, Ryan found himself riding that fine line between lying to our daughter to protect her innocence and giving her the answer to her question.

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Last weekend, her class had a Valentine's Day get-together at Chick-Fil-A. Ryley was very concerned because one of her friends is a vegetarian, and she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to eat with everyone else. I had assured her that her friend's mom would figure it out.



So, we parents were sitting together and talking, and the mom sighed and made a comment about how she hated that her daughter had talked her into getting chicken nuggets. I decided to seize the opportunity to ask, "So are both of you vegetarians, or just you?"

She answered, "You know, it's kind of like religion -- you don't force your beliefs on your kids. You want them to come to their own conclusions. Do I want her to eat flesh? No. But I ultimately want her to make her own decision."

Hmmmmm.

"Raise your child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I thought the shot at religion was interesting. Yes, I want Ryley to make her own decision to follow Christ. But if I don't introduce her to Him, how will she ever know Him?

And if you really believe what you say you believe, you will teach your children that what you believe is right.

These are the issues we are facing as parents right now. I want Ryley to be solid...to have immovable morals. I want her to know why she believes what she believes. I want her to, above all, seek after a relationship with Jesus -- like what I have...like what Ryan has. I want her to love her vegetarian friends, her friends from single-parent families, her Hispanic and black and white friends. I want her to love everyone and show His love to each and every person, regardless of their background. And I also want her to know what's right and wrong. It's not ok for her to have a baby at 16. When it happens to other girls, does God work it out? Yes. But it's not ok for that to be ok. Right?

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

My father-in-law recently gave Ryan some interesting advice. He said that we should keep Ryley as busy as possible, getting her involved in constructive activities. If she likes swimming, let her swim. If she likes the piano, let her play. He said he felt like my parents had "figured it out" in keeping me so busy through high school. I didn't have time to get myself in trouble. There was no idle time for me to be hanging out with boys, looking for stuff to do.







He's right. I don't know whether or not that was my parents' intent, but it certainly worked. :-) And I am thankful to them for constantly providing me with constructive activities and opportunities that kept my mind active. I have found this truth to be self-evident for me: "The busier you are, the better you focus, the better you do all around."

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So Ryley is growing up. There's nothing we can do to stop time, though we certainly wish we could try!

Her daddy took her on a date to the Spaghetti Factory while I was gone:



Ryley was very interested and reverant about the fact that her daddy's and my first date was at the Spaghetti Factory. :-)



But while Ryan's intent of the date was to show Ryley how boys should treat her, Ryan said he spent most of the time reminding her how she should act. :-)



We have so enjoyed watching the Olympics! Ryley loves it. But two comments she's made in the last week have stopped us cold:

About snowboarder Shaun White: "Wow! That boy looks like both a boy and a girl at the same time! You don't see that very often, do you?!"

About skier Bode Miller: "Oh, he looks handsome and nice....But not as much as daddy!"

There's no going back now. Our little girl notices boys' looks.

I expect this stage to last awhile. God, help us. :-)