Walking on Broken Glass, Egg Shells, Etc.

I realize that I owe this blog multiple pictures and a complete run-down of our trip. All in good time, my friends. Most of you are my Facebook friends and have already seen pictures anyway. :-)

For now, I need to write. Catharsis. Soul-cleansing. Parental debriefing, what have you...

The older she gets, the more I see that Ryley is so much like me. So much. I recognize this fact with joy (the miracle of motherhood to see myself in miniature form) and a little fear (wanting to save her from the heartbreak and pressures I endured by simply being myself!). But seriously. She is emotional, sensitive, sympathetic, inquisitive, worried, quick to cry, eager to please.... She internalizes pain and guilt until she implodes from the pressure. She thinks and processes and imagines...almost too much, I think, for a six-year-old.

The other day, Ryley asked me about cancer. She had heard about it at school and was fighting tears as she asked if eating meat causes cancer. She wanted to know if/how people get better. I explained in limited terms, and then, because I could see the wheels turning in her head (Ryan's mom died of cancer), I reassured her that we don't currently know anybody with cancer. "But what about the man at the Spaghetti Factory?" she asked. I had to think for a minute, but she was right. We had met my great-uncle at the Spaghetti Factory almost four months ago, and he had just finished his treatments. How did she remember that??? Nothing gets past her.

She has difficulty controlling her emotions at school when something goes unexpectedly. She cries when she gets hurt, when she hurts someone, when she gets less than 100% on a test. This is not behavior we encourage!!! On Sunday morning we stayed home from church and read together in the Bible about how to be anxious for nothing...about how God cares for the lilies and the sparrows. Then, on TV, Joel Osteen preached on not making mountains out of molehills. Ryley really connected with that. Some of the things she gets concerned about are really quite petty.

I find myself constantly attempting to strike a balance with her:

....Building her self-esteem, yet being firm in discipline

....Telling her that "her best" is always good enough, but also encouraging her that her best is very good

....Breaking the rebellion, yet respecting and guiding her strong will, her imagination, and her entrepreneurship (she created her own board game [and marketing plan for that board game...we filmed a commercial] over the weekend)

These things are surprisingly intertwined and often go hand-in-hand, which makes it difficult to strike that harmonious balance.

It's literally exhausting.

Funnily enough, one of my employees is "Ryley plus 20 years." She is an incredibly hard worker and is extremely trustworthy. But whenever I need to correct her work, I'm afraid she's going to burst into tears or that I'm going to ruin her day, her week, or her entire year. I am always looking for the nicest way to approach her and show her what can be improved. She can handle difficult customers with no problem, but taking criticism from the people she aims to please seems to be very hard for her. And honestly, I can relate to that because I've been there. But I am constantly walking on egg shells.

It's almost like playing mind games sometimes...With both Ryley and my employee, I find myself planning ahead how I'm going to say something so that it comes across clearly and positively. I think and pray about my words very carefully. These are sensitive ladies, and God gave that quality to them. He uses that. It's my job to foster it in Ryley to become a positive thing; it's my job with my employee to, um, deal with it? Ha. :-)

In the meantime, I put this sticky note on my computer monitor at work:

"All your children will be taught by the Lord, and GREAT shall be the peace of your children." - Isaiah 54:13

I love that. In the end, it's all in God's hands, isn't it?

Great will be Ryley's peace.