Words I Wish People Would Quit Using

I took a class in college called “History of the English Language,” and it ended up being one of my favorites…and NOT just because I got to sit next to my new husband (though that was a nice perk!). ;-) Words and language fascinate me. I don’t claim to have the best vocabulary, and I don’t claim to have perfect grammar. I know I make mistakes all the time, and I’m consistently humbled by the criticism I receive from my editors. But what I am is a “language enthusiast,” constantly impressed and excited by what the correct use of words can do to create or change meaning in a conversation. And I love learning more about our language and the way it is always changing and adapting.

That said, there are many trendy words and phrases that bother the heck out of me.

For instance:

• Referring to God as “papa,” “daddy,” or “Abba.” Is God our father? Absolutely. Does He want to be a familiar, comforting presence for us, like a daddy? Yes. But it’s weird to refer to Him that way. (I.e., “Papa just provided the perfect job! I love it when Daddy takes care of me!”) I don’t know – It just seems a little too familiar. Irreverent, maybe?
• “Sleeps,” in reference to nights. This is popular among moms trying to explain the passage of time to small children. (I.e., “Only four more sleeps until we leave for Disney World!”) I just think kids can handle the word “night."
• Calling a kid a “rockstar.” This happens in almost every parent/teacher conference. (I.e., “Ryley, your report card looks great! You are such a rockstar!”) I picture my daughter standing on stage in a hot pink halter top, her mic held high in the air with her other hand on her hip, the crowd roaring with cheers, “Yay, Ryley! Yay for A’s and B’s!” Since when did being a rockstar become the epitome of success? I don’t want that to be my daughter’s greatest ambition. Did she “rock” her grades? Yes. I have no problem with that. But she’s not a rockstar. How about, “Ryley, you are such a phenomenal student! You worked hard for your grades! You’re a biomedical engineer!” ;-)
• Referring to one’s kids as “midgets” or “littles” or “tinies.” (I.e., “Took the midgets to the zoo today; so fun!”) Seriously?
• Calling your husband a “hubby,” “hubster,” “hubs,” or “dh.” (I.e., “The hubster took me on a date tonight.” Or, “How’s your hubby feeling these days?”) Hubba-hubba. I literally want to puke.
• Using the made-up term “mother-in-love” or “daughter-in-love” instead of “mother-in-law” or “daughter-in-law.” Gross. I first heard this 15 years ago when my mom’s friend referred to her “daughter-in-love” as just having had a miscarriage. I understand the intent behind it: “My son’s wife is so much more to me than a daughter by marriage or law. She’s a daughter by love!” But there’s something about the term that just really irks me. I love my mother-in-law, too, but I don’t feel the need to be all cheesy about it. ;-)
• The word “mama.” In any use or form. I picture a tired, dumpy woman with long gray braids and a thread-bare apron tied around her plump mid-section. Mama. I just feel like mothers deserve better than that mental picture. I also HATE mommy blogs, but that’s a subject for another time, (a blog post in and of itself). ;-)
• Adults using the term “kids” when addressing other adults. (I.e., “Hate to break it to ya, kids, but the economy is going south.”) I’ll admit, at first I thought it was kind of cute. But as I started hearing it more and more, I began to feel like it’s a tad condescending. Why can’t I make up my own opinion about the economy? What makes you, fellow adult, more qualified to tell me how things are?
• The word “belly.” Oh, how I hate it. I hate pregnant “bellies.” I hate that Jonah stayed for three days in the “belly of a whale.” I hate Santa Claus’s “belly.” I will do whatever it takes to avoid using that word. Stomach. Womb. Tummy. Abdomen. Anything but belly. Ugh. Gross.
• The word “audit” literally makes me sick to my stomach. My company was audited three times this past year for different things; Ryan’s restaurant is audited every couple of months. Financial audits. Tax audits. All audits are stressful and bad. Very, very bad.
• “Viscous.” (I.e., “The food slid down my esophagus into my moist, viscous belly.”) Enough said.
• “Devos.” My mom was the one who first pointed out the weirdness of this word, in reference to “devotionals.” (I.e., “So in your personal devo time, be sure to study the book of James.”) Our time with God is important, so why do we feel like we have to shorten the word that refers to it? Are we trying to make it more “fun”? It reminds me of my freshman year in college when my wing chaplain got all the girls to form a human train, and they went up and down the hall knocking on doors and inviting everyone to “devos,” saying “All aboard! The devo train!” and making various train whistle sounds. After that, I routinely hid in my dorm room with the door locked and the lights off whenever I heard the Devo Train coming my way. In four years of college, I managed to get away with only attending “devos” one time.
• This is a silly one, but I hate it when I’m listening to NFL commentators during football season, and they choose to spell out the NFL acronym in their discussions. (I.e., “I’ll tell you what – Jackson is the best tight end in the National Football League right now.”) It’s a little pretentious, and they always seem to make their voice a little louder when they say those three prestigious words, as if to say, “I just want to remind you that I work for the National Football League. THE National Football League. Just in case you forgot how important I am.” NFL is enough. Seriously.
• The Oxford Comma Dilemma. If you don’t know, the Oxford comma is the “extra” comma when you’re listing items (I.e., He worked at places such as Home Depot, Sage, and Barnes Warehouse.) The Oxford comma is the one right after Sage. Some people say this is redundant because the comma already stands for “and,” and if you keep it in there, you are effectively saying “Sage and and Barnes Warehouse.” Editors disagree on this point, and style manuals go different directions. Sometimes places I’m writing for don’t want the Oxford Comma, and I am forced to write “Home Depot, Sage and Barnes Warehouse.”  But in my personal writing, I always, always use the Oxford Comma.  I have done a lot of thinking about this, because that’s what I do with my free time. I think through grammar rules. And I have come to the following conclusion: the Oxford Comma is not about redundancy. It’s about clarity. I’m not saying that it should be read “Sage and and Barnes Warehouse.” I’m saying that the extra comma keeps you from thinking that he worked at a place called Sage and Barnes Warehouse. The extra comma adds clarity and pause, just like all other commas do when not being used in a list (because commas have more than one purpose, see?).

Have I gone on long enough? Yes? Okay. I’ll stop now. I do have a list of words I like (whimsical, subtle, etc.), but I won’t bore you with that right now. ;-) Thanks for reading my rant! I’d be interested in hearing what your language pet peeves are, as well!

*Disclaimer: If you are someone who uses one or more of these bothersome terms, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. I’m sure there are countless things that annoy you about me. ;-)