To Canaan

I think God’s trying to tell me something, but I’m not sure exactly what.

As part of my New Year’s Resolutions to A) read one book every two weeks, and B), help Ryley grow closer to the Lord, I am in the middle of working my way through two books right now:

and with Ryley…

Both are good books. The first one is better than I expected… I have to admit that I had gone into it with a bit of an attitude; I had judged the author’s motivations without fully knowing her story. Instead, it’s slowly revolutionizing the way I view my life and bringing back a lot of feelings and memories of my own missions experiences.

The devotional is not as well-written as I had hoped, but Ryley loves it (which is the point, right?). I love the idea of it, but a lot of the connections are a little loose, and I find myself having to draw upon my own biblical knowledge and spiritual intuition to fill in the blanks and make sure the message is clear. While that’s not a bad thing, it’s taking more work than I had envisioned. :-)

But here’s the thing: Both of the books, within the last week, have referenced Abraham’s journey to Canaan…how God told him to leave his country and go to a new place. Abraham didn’t know what this land looked like; he just packed up all his belongings and his people and trusted that God would lead him there.

This is something I am really struggling with. I felt a couple of months ago that God was telling me that it was time for “the next thing.” But I gently eased into the holiday season and said, “Sure, God. Let’s just get through Christmas first. We’ll do the ‘next thing’ next year, if You don’t mind.”

And now we’re in the new year. And it’s time to let God do His thing. I have ideas of what I would like the next thing to be. But that dream seems highly unlikely. :-) And honestly, I don’t know what God has in mind. Not to mention, I am so freaking scared of all of it…my dream, God’s dream, you name it.

Don’t I trust Him? Hasn’t He always come through? Of course He has.

So what’s the problem?

I hate “new.”

I hate “change.”

I hate putting myself out there.

I hate not being in control.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

At the same time, I feel constantly uneasy…like I’m wasting precious time that could be invested in my Canaan….my Promised Land. Every day I’m not moving forward, I feel…guilty.

And then Abraham was mentioned again – but this time in our pastor’s sermon at church on Sunday. It was the story of Abraham taking his son Isaac up the mountain to be sacrificed on the altar, because God had told him to. Abraham climbed that mountain, willing to do what God said, but still trusting that God would provide a miracle. And unbeknownst to him, God had already sent the ram up the other side.

God provides miracles. But sometimes we still have to climb the mountain. Ick.

Even so, I couldn’t keep the tears from falling.

The next day, Ryley and I read about that same story in her devotional book (which is not in biblical chronological order, I promise!). Just one more confirmation that God is obviously trying to get my attention!

So….. I’m hearing You, Lord. I only have this one life to live. Like the author of Kisses from Katie, I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to be used to spread Your love and Your truth in ways I can’t even imagine.

Your thoughts are not my thoughts. Your ways are not my ways. They’re so much better than mine. :-)

Please show me the next step, Lord Jesus. I’m trusting You to lead me into Canaan.