Days of Good Cheer (the Glory of Enchiladas)

Ryley sat on my lap just now, offering a variety of suggestions for blog topics and titles (our weekend trip to see Honey, the glory of enchiladas, among others), before I sent her off to get ready for bed. She talks constantly these days, and she skips up and down the stairs taking them three and four at a time. She flies through a random piano piece for the fun of it, then out to the mailbox, then back inside, up the stairs, down the stairs, bouncy, enthusiastic, and always on the go. She’s happy and healthy and coming into her own, which is such a dramatic difference from the struggles she had in 3rd grade. She avoids getting into trouble for the most part (last year it was almost every day), and even though a few of her A’s dropped to B’s this quarter, we didn’t mind because her teachers raved at the parent/teacher conferences on Friday about how much she has grown as a person since Christmas….how she has matured and exercised self-control and steered clear of the typical girl drama.

Ryley had misplaced her iPod this last week, and though we searched the house high and low, we could not find it. So this weekend, our brand new neighbors knocked on the door and returned it to Ryan; they had found it lying in the street. When Ryley got home, we encouraged her to go over and thank them; after all, they could have left it in the street or kept it for themselves. We expected an argument, but no, she slipped her shoes back on and marched across the street.

“I can’t believe she’s doing this,” Ryan said, as we knelt down behind the couch to watch through the big living room window.

But she did it. She knocked on the door, introduced herself to strangers, thanked them, and looked both ways before crossing the street to come back home. My baby is growing up, and it thrills me to no end to see the fruits of our parenting labor. She’s not perfect, and she still has so much growing to do, but we thoroughly enjoy the person she is and continues to become.

Some pictures of the last couple of weeks:

Our friends Rachel and Benjamin had an extra ticket to the Denver Aquarium a couple of weekends ago, so they invited Ryley to go along!  It was great for everyone involved…Ryan was still sick and so he got to sleep all day, and I had a freelance writing project to work on.

The next day, we got 10 inches of snow.

So we stayed home and played.

And we baked.

And we made the soup.

And we made snow cream.

It really was a perfect day, and we were sad when it was over.

This past weekend, Ryley had a couple of days off school, so she and I headed up to Nebraska to see my grandma for a few days. We left Ryan at home with the dog so he could work, do boy things, and eat his boy food (crockpot o’ sausage and green beans).

Sarah and Lily crossed the border into Nebraska first!

Our favorite taco joint may be going out of business soon (apparently they were selling cocaine on the side?), so we ate there twice in two days! Honey was so nice to humor us like that!

So there’s crack in the enchiladas…No wonder they’re so addicting!

Like seriously addicting. Mmmmmmm.

We had a wonderful time with Honey….eating, talking, watching movies, church, eating, talking, watching movies, eating, talking! My favorite kind of weekend! :-)

On the way home, I taught Ryley how to blow bubbles with bubble gum. She was pretty proud of herself. :-)

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I read this quote by C.S. Lewis recently and loved it:

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”

It’s so true. Sure, I do my best at work, but ultimately, it’s all to fund and help support this family life that we cherish so much. We live for snow days and weekend vacations and time together. We live for these happy moments at home when we are essentially doing nothing…when our daughter flits about the house like a busy butterfly. We live for the feeling of “home” – whatever that means to each and every one of us.

Stillness

This is the fifth consecutive week of sickness in our home. Just when I think we’ve turned a corner, it catches right back up with us, nipping at our heels as it evolves into a new, stronger, different version of itself, eventually tripping us up and overtaking us once again.

It all seemed to start with the Broncos game. We huddled in single digit temps for seven hours, watching as the man with the hot chocolate tray sold out of hot chocolate before he even reached the fourth row. Up at Row 21, our blood grew increasingly  sluggish, in spite of our double, triple, and quadruple clothing layers and chemical heat packets stuffed in our boots and gloves. It was hard to think straight. For the first time, I understood “exposure” and hypothermia. Our Coca-Cola turned to slush and then froze solid in the cup. Someone spilled beer on the girl in front of us, and it froze almost instantly to her jacket. Hours after the game, when we finally got “warm,” the pain in our toes and fingers was excruciating. I don’t think we truly thawed for a few days afterwards. My cheeks were pink with frost nip, and my IPhone, which had shut itself down five hours into our adventure, never worked the same after that.

Ryan got sick that week. And it was Week One.

When I came down with Strep the next week, I heard someone bemoan the fact that they had been sick for a full month. And since I was at such a low point, I cried at the very thought of it. I couldn’t imagine feeling so crappy for another three weeks. It’s a good thing I didn’t know the future, or I would have sunk even deeper into despair. The future is funny like that….if we knew what we were going to have to face down the road, I think that we would lose hope and give up. But since it’s a day-to-day journey, each challenge presenting itself singly, somehow God gives us the strength needed for that day alone.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And so we have kept trudging on, passing sickness back and forth and missing occasional days of work when the bug of the week peaks.

My husband is amazing. A couple of weekends ago, in the midst of having the sorest throat of my life, I was afraid to go to sleep…I feared that my throat was so swollen that it would swell shut and I would suffocate. I know it sounds silly, but I was also feverish, miserable, and not thinking clearly at the time. I was also having flashbacks to the terror I experienced with Mono during my freshman year of high school. But my chivalrous Ryan stayed up with me until 2:30 in the morning, until I felt like it was safe to try and sleep. Then he went and taught Sunday School by himself at church so I could rest. Later that week, I went to work and came home at noon one day -- sick, utterly exhausted, and depressed at how our household was falling apart…cluttered and without clean laundry. Ryan, upon learning that I had gone home, surprised me by coming home early himself, holding me, and helping me get the house whipped into shape. That meant more to me than anything in the world.

In sickness and in health.

Now I am finally on the mend, but Ryan is under the weather. :-(  The adventure continues.

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Things haven’t been all bad. It snowed last night…not enough to cancel school, but more than it has all season. So after school, I threw caution and the “threat of cold” to the wind and took Ryley sledding.

She had so much fun!

On Valentine’s Day, her Mammaw and Pappaw paid for her to get a facial/mani/pedi at Sweet & Sassy!

She loved it!!!!

FroYo this past weekend….

And before we were sick: Fun with Wii’s Just Dance!

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Ryley is currently grounded from TV and computer, so last night we had a peaceful evening where she dragged out her finger-knitting supplies and sat conversationally on the couch with the vision of snow falling gently behind her through the big living room window. It was extremely pleasant, and I thought to myself how much I love the version of Ryley “sans technology.”

But when it came time to tuck her into bed, I discovered that her room was a massive pig pen.

“Ryley, your room is a mess! What happened?”

“Well, that’s what you get when I’m grounded from TV and computer games. I was digging through my room, looking for stuff to do. When I get TV and computer, my room stays clean.”

Which is a lie. :-)

I know it sounds disrespectful, but that was not her tone at all. She was very matter-of-fact about it, and it cracked me up. :-)

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I decided to start writing scriptures on our bathroom mirror with dry-erase marker, to help with scripture memory. Ryley loved the idea, but I hadn’t realized how much. She has since added her own scriptures when we weren’t around. Here’s one:

We’re not complaining…That one’s a good choice as far as scriptures go. :-)

Otherwise, we’ve been watching lots of Jeopardy (new obsession: Ryan likes to impress his girls with his knowledge of useless trivia, and Ryley likes to be impressed). :-)

I watched Downton Abbey through the end, and we faithfully watch Elementary.

We’re listening to a lot of Mumford and Sons and Lumineers. Pretty much anything with banjo. Watching the Grammy's reiterated for me just how much I love music…like really, really love it. :-)

We liked a movie called “Jeff, Who Lives at Home,” which we found on Netflix.

I look longingly at books, and then I decide to go to bed instead of read. And I think that’s ok, for now.

We are eating whatever is cheapest at the store….mainly pasta. And we don’t feel guilty for it. Because it’s delicious. And cheap. And we are not rich.

This year, thus far, has not turned out how I imagined it would. Where is that “next thing”? Honestly, I’ve been too sick to even think about it.  But I find that I am hungry for Scripture…hungry for Jesus. I can hardly sit through a church service without crying. The Word of God is living water for a thirsty soul, and I feel as though I need a good soaking. :-)

When I was trying to pick a scripture to write on the bathroom mirror, I was getting so irritated. I wanted them all. I want Ryley to learn them all. I finally settled on “Be still and know that I am God.”

I’ve heard it several times in the last week. And that’s what I knew that I needed…what we all needed. For whatever reason, God needed me to be still in the last few weeks. I don’t think He made me sick, but I do think that His hand was in the slow-down process. Slowing down my chaotic thoughts…my frenzied, anxious mind. Putting me in a place of stillness.

The house is quiet now. Ryan went to bed early, and all I hear is the sound of the dishwasher humming gently. And there is peace that surpasses my understanding. Peace and stillness.

We’re going to get better. We’re all gonna be okay.

Being Sick While My Husband Is Away, Day 4

I’m living in a bit of a fog, I realized, as I took a new trash bag out to line the garbage can and almost tried to line the pot on the stove with it instead. I’m not the sickest I’ve ever been in my life, but as for being miserable? Probably top three.

I’m constantly trying to calculate when it would be safe to take more DayQuil/NyQuil/ibuprofen without damaging my liver….counting out the hours, wishing that I could take it every two hours instead of every four to six. I’m making tons of hot tea, sucking on cough drops and sore throat capsules, downing water, dropping off Ryley at school, driving home to collapse in bed for six hours, driving back to pick up Ryley from school, overseeing homework, loading Ryley up on vitamins to keep her from getting sick, trying to remember to be the adult -- when all I really want to do is just sleep. And I don’t seem to be getting better. The doctor diagnosed me with Strep, but the symptoms seem to be all over the map.

I finally hung up on a telemarketer this morning because I couldn’t get my voice to work. They couldn’t understand if I was the “lady of the house” or a squeaky child.

I had promised Ryley she could sleep with me in our big bed while Daddy was away. But I got sick on the second day, so after the first night she returned to her own bed. Poor girl. She hasn’t had hugs or kisses in days. She is keeping her distance….extremely fearful of “throwing up,” that one. I explained that this isn’t that kind of illness…In fact, I would gladly throw up and be done with it than deal with this. But regardless, she should stay as far away as she can.

More than anything, I just want my husband to come home. And right now that’s looking like Sunday afternoon – or Saturday morning if we can play our cards right and get his flight changed. We just miss him…his manliness…his firmness…his balance in this household of weepy girls, dog included.

I feel ridiculously codependent right now.

I am a strong, independent woman. Truly, I am. :-) I’m just sick.

And mothers don’t get to be sick. I have new appreciation for single moms and military moms. Or moms with multiple children. It’s hard to manage a household when you can’t think straight…when fever is fogging up your brain and the days start to run together. But we plug on anyway.

And I’m counting down the hours til Ryan gets home and all is right in our little world again.

To Canaan

I think God’s trying to tell me something, but I’m not sure exactly what.

As part of my New Year’s Resolutions to A) read one book every two weeks, and B), help Ryley grow closer to the Lord, I am in the middle of working my way through two books right now:

and with Ryley…

Both are good books. The first one is better than I expected… I have to admit that I had gone into it with a bit of an attitude; I had judged the author’s motivations without fully knowing her story. Instead, it’s slowly revolutionizing the way I view my life and bringing back a lot of feelings and memories of my own missions experiences.

The devotional is not as well-written as I had hoped, but Ryley loves it (which is the point, right?). I love the idea of it, but a lot of the connections are a little loose, and I find myself having to draw upon my own biblical knowledge and spiritual intuition to fill in the blanks and make sure the message is clear. While that’s not a bad thing, it’s taking more work than I had envisioned. :-)

But here’s the thing: Both of the books, within the last week, have referenced Abraham’s journey to Canaan…how God told him to leave his country and go to a new place. Abraham didn’t know what this land looked like; he just packed up all his belongings and his people and trusted that God would lead him there.

This is something I am really struggling with. I felt a couple of months ago that God was telling me that it was time for “the next thing.” But I gently eased into the holiday season and said, “Sure, God. Let’s just get through Christmas first. We’ll do the ‘next thing’ next year, if You don’t mind.”

And now we’re in the new year. And it’s time to let God do His thing. I have ideas of what I would like the next thing to be. But that dream seems highly unlikely. :-) And honestly, I don’t know what God has in mind. Not to mention, I am so freaking scared of all of it…my dream, God’s dream, you name it.

Don’t I trust Him? Hasn’t He always come through? Of course He has.

So what’s the problem?

I hate “new.”

I hate “change.”

I hate putting myself out there.

I hate not being in control.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

At the same time, I feel constantly uneasy…like I’m wasting precious time that could be invested in my Canaan….my Promised Land. Every day I’m not moving forward, I feel…guilty.

And then Abraham was mentioned again – but this time in our pastor’s sermon at church on Sunday. It was the story of Abraham taking his son Isaac up the mountain to be sacrificed on the altar, because God had told him to. Abraham climbed that mountain, willing to do what God said, but still trusting that God would provide a miracle. And unbeknownst to him, God had already sent the ram up the other side.

God provides miracles. But sometimes we still have to climb the mountain. Ick.

Even so, I couldn’t keep the tears from falling.

The next day, Ryley and I read about that same story in her devotional book (which is not in biblical chronological order, I promise!). Just one more confirmation that God is obviously trying to get my attention!

So….. I’m hearing You, Lord. I only have this one life to live. Like the author of Kisses from Katie, I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to be used to spread Your love and Your truth in ways I can’t even imagine.

Your thoughts are not my thoughts. Your ways are not my ways. They’re so much better than mine. :-)

Please show me the next step, Lord Jesus. I’m trusting You to lead me into Canaan.

The Value of “Stay”

Our 14th wedding anniversary was this past week.  There’s nothing extraordinary or special about the 14-year mark….It’s not 10; it’s not 15; it’s not 20. It doesn’t necessarily warrant a second honeymoon or an expensive piece of jewelry. It’s just another year in between the big ones. But it is no less important: it still required staying.

Over the course of the last few months, as my co-workers and I made conversation about holiday plans, I realized that I am the only one in my office whose parents are still together. All the others had to juggle their time between multiple sides of their families…dad’s house, dad’s parents’ house, mom’s house, mom’s parents’ house, stepdad’s family, etc., etc. That’s our society’s new normal, I suppose. Families like mine are increasingly rare.

I wouldn’t begin to judge anyone’s split-up marriage; I know there are a lot of very bad situations out there. It’s just sad that there are men who don’t stay faithful to their wives…who don’t stay present in their family’s lives. And the same goes for the women who don’t stay faithful. It’s certainly not what God intended when he came up with the whole idea.

 

(finding my wedding dress while on a missions trip in Germany)

I am thankful for the legacy of “staying” in my family. My grandparents were married 58 years when my grandpa passed away. Their marriage was, to me, the epitome of faithfulness. They were farmers in western Nebraska, and my mom tells stories of how when a hailstorm ruined their entire crop one year, they packed up the four kids and drove to Denver for a few days so they wouldn’t have to look at the torn-up fields. They had good times and bad times. When I try to put 58 individual years in perspective, it gets a little overwhelming. That’s 58 Christmases, 58 harvests, thousands of loads of laundry, thousands of meals cooked and eaten and dinner discussions had, multiple disagreements, and countless inside jokes.  But they stayed together.

(my parents on the left and grandparents on the right, 1971)

My parents will celebrate their 40th anniversary on May 27! I am so proud of them. They have become fused together like a fixture in my mind. Gene and Kathy. Mom and Daddy. Despite having two very different personalities and very different interests, they are still very much in love. And despite difficulties here and there, good years and bad years, they put their trust in God. They fight through the tough times. They stay. What an amazing example they are for us!

And it’s not just my parents and grandparents. There is no divorce in my extended family. My aunts and uncles on my mom’s side of the family have been married 39, 30, and 21 years. My two cousins have each been married 16 years. My brother and his wife just celebrated 10. It is a very special legacy that I thank God for. And I think it goes back to the kind of people my grandparents raised their kids to be. And then those kids raised their kids. And those kids are raising their kids. And we are raising Ryley. And we pray for Ryley’s husband, too…that God is with him wherever he is and that he understands the value of staying.

For better or worse. Richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. We steel ourselves against the odds…odds that say more than half of marriages end in divorce…and we stay.

Ryley and I were listening to her new Taylor Swift album this week, and we fell in love with the song, “Stay Stay Stay.” I actually find a lot of irony in the fact that Taylor is no longer “with” whoever she wrote this song about. :-) But still, the lyrics are so true.  “I want to hang out with you…my whole life.”

My sentiments exactly.

As I was contemplating our last year (which wasn’t the best all around, for reasons unrelated to our marriage), I couldn’t think of a time when things were bad enough between us that I ever considered leaving. Sure, we’ve had our moments of disagreement. I remember getting so angry at Ryan while doing dishes one time this summer that I hit him in his back with a plate. He, however, claims to not remember that instance, as he apparently “keeps no record of wrongs.” Ha ha. He was trained well. :-)

We just can’t take ourselves too seriously. We can’t over-think things. We just need to stay.

We don’t know what challenges or obstacles we will face in 2013. After having kind of a bad year, I have to admit that I am a little wary of what may be around the corner. I am having some trouble shaking that awful sense of foreboding. Ryan, however, has a ton of faith for us right now, and he has been so good to encourage me. I’m leaning on his faith when I’m having trouble mustering up my own.  We’re good for each other that way. And so we stay.

After 14 years, we have so many memories that are “just ours”….inside jokes that nobody else will ever get…

When we’ve been blessed enough to have been married 40 years or 58 years, I can’t even imagine how much more “fused together” we will have become. And how wonderful that will be.

So, here’s to 14 years of marriage, 14 years of staying. And many, many more!

Joy to the World

The last few weeks have been so good, and I don’t want to forget a bit of it! So this is a long picture post….Here goes….

As part of our Advent calendar surprises, Ryan took Ryley on a daddy/daughter date to see “The Nutcracker.” When Ryley came down the stairs and saw her daddy dressed in a SUIT, her jaw just about dropped to the floor. It was so precious, and she felt very special!

She is a daddy’s girl, through and through. :-)

That same weekend, Ryley and her best friend went ice skating.

And, my aunt Coleen and uncle Paul came over to give her their Christmas gift….the beautiful quilt that Coleen made! It looks lovely on Ryley’s bed!!!

Thank you, Coleen and Paul!

We also made a gingerbread Christmas tree…I love that Ryley is at an age where she can do this stuff with limited mess! :-)

Granted, it’s an easier project than the traditional gingerbread house, but she mixed the frosting, put it together, and had it decorated within about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, I had my own project going on. With my parents coming to town for Christmas, I had to get our guest room under control.

Yep. This is the room where we throw things we don’t know what to do with. And the closet was even worse.

There were tons of board games that had fallen down, their pieces scattered all over the closet. We couldn’t even get the doors open.

So, one weekend and two evenings of work later….

Yay! It’s organized! People can sleep in there now! It feels soooooo good. :-) All of our craft supplies are organized now. In the process of sorting/cleaning, I found three glue guns. Apparently I buy a new one every time I need one. Ooops!

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My parents arrived on the 20th, and we had such a good time while they were here! We went shopping a lot, and we just kept busy in general!

We held my students’ piano recital on Saturday morning, and the kids played so well!

I played too, for once, and I was so nervous! But it was all good. :-)

After the recital cleared out, we headed across town to Heritage Square to see “A Christmas Carol” at their musical children’s theater. If you live in Denver, I cannot stress enough how fun these shows are. They’re cheaper than a movie, and they’re interactive and cute!

Afterwards, we walked around the little shops and even made a stop to see Santa! This is the first time Ryley has been brave enough to sit on Santa’s lap. It was a good thing, because this will be the last year too. :-(  (More about that later!)

The next day, Ryley performed with the children’s production at church.  It was super cute!

Ryley was Mary, and she had a couple of lines. So fun.

After church, Ryan and my mom rushed off to the Broncos game while my dad, Ryley, and I hung out at home for a super relaxed afternoon of making Christmas goodies and playing Legos!

Christmas Day….

My parents got Ryley an Action Bible for Christmas, and we highly recommend it! It’s kind of like a comic book. It has really made the Bible come to life for Ryley these last few days; she’s probably read half of it already! And most importantly, she’s absorbing it. :-)

And look at this white Christmas….

I don’t think there could have been a more perfect Christmas morning!

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So Ryley no longer believes in Santa.  It came from a place of thankfulness….She loved her Santa gift so much that she wished she could thank Santa for it, and, having picked up on some clues over the last few weeks, wanted to know exactly who gave it to her. It was very earnest and sweet, and we could not lie. Being the pragmatic girl she is, she would not let it go. She practically demanded the truth from us.

Honestly, parts of me were surprised she hadn’t caught on before now. But it was sad, all the same. I know there are some families that are against Santa and the attention it takes away from Jesus, but I personally have  never believed it to be harmful in any way. Ryan and I were both raised to believe in Santa, and it has not inhibited our relationship with the Lord or our celebration of His birth. But each family has to make that decision for themselves. It’s been a fun era for our little family, and as we explained to Ryley, now she’s in on a wonderful “worldwide secret” that we cannot ruin for those who believe. As we’ve read several places, now she’s on “Santa’s team.”

After coming to terms with Santa, she wanted to know about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy too. In the end, she was disappointed with herself for demanding clear-cut answers…for taking away the magic of it all. We assured her that we can still pretend. :-)

But how wonderful it was to say that JESUS is real, alive, and living in our hearts! He’s not mythological. He is as real as the air we breathe. Thank You, Jesus, for saving us from our sins…for making us as clean as the snow on Christmas morning…for giving us eternal life.

That’s just something Santa could never give. ;-) Only Jesus.

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Joy to the World!